What To Say When Asking For A Raise, And How To Ask
In our careers, we often reach a point when it’s fair to ask for a raise. Sometimes we put in extra effort and time to produce results above and beyond what the employer expected. Other times, we’re given responsibilities beyond our original job description.
There are many reasons why we might desire a raise, and just as many reasons why an employer might deny that request. Luckily, there’s loads of advice out there, from academic scholars to former FBI hostage negotiators, to help us navigate these potentially difficult conversations.
Speaking to Build Rapport
Chris Voss led international hostage negotiations for the FBI before founding the Black Swan Group which brings hostage negotiation techniques into the business world. In an interview with Bouree Lam of The Atlantic he discusses how to use these tools when asking for a raise. It is important to begin by using “we” and other communal language, as it encourages a partnership between both parties. It illustrates that they are connected in some way and have a shared interest. Generally, this is a fairly persuasive technique and – as The International Negotiation Handbook illustrates – persuasion is key to negotiation. To illustrate the power of persuasion, I used communal language at the beginning of this post to establish a rapport with you, the reader, in order that you’d be persuaded to continue reading. Using persuasive tools such as these without the other party realising puts you at an advantage in almost any situation, including a negotiation for a raise. But communal language alone is not enough – there must be rapport between both parties. Janice Nadler of Northwestern University in her article Rapport in Negotiation and Conflict Resolution defines rapport as “mutual positivity and interest”; that means being “in sync” with whoever is on the other side of the negotiating table. Ultimately, it leads to feelings of positivity and cooperation. The building of rapport means the fostering of a mutual partnership between perceived equals. Voss tells us that being personable and likeable is the key toward getting the raise, and that is because these things build rapport. In order to get what you want without force or over-coercion, the other person needs to like you. This means connecting with your employer emotionally while still pushing for the raise. It’s a delicate balancing act:„If I say something to you with a smile, I know you’re more likely to collaborate than if I’m being really direct … that’s exactly what a hostage negotiator does. The more easy [sic] we are, the more reassuring we are, the harder we can push.”— Chris VossThe purpose is to impact the other party both intellectually and emotionally. If an employee feels good about the person they’re talking to, they’re more likely to give that person a raise. But Voss tells us that this connection needs to deepen beyond the here-and-now. The partnership needs to become collaboration. To do this, you must illustrate that you care about the firm not only your own well-being. Ask yourself how your presence at the company has and will continue to generate profit and reduce costs. By focusing on your contributions in this way, the employer will perceive you as someone who has a shared stake in the firm. Establishing a point of connection is important. When it relates to the firm for which both parties work, that connective tissue deepens and strengthens.